A Tale of Two Ballplayers

Barry Bonds is an amazing athlete. He does not have a reputation for blowing up and needing to be physically restrained. He does have the reputation for being a bit aloof, but he has not attacked anyone who alleges that he did what just about every ballplayer in the league has been doing (and keep in mind that steroids are going to have more benefit to pitchers than to hitters anyway). The media dumps on him every chance they get. The commissioner acts the complete ass when Bonds breaks a record. The Giants, a team that has been utterly dull the last few years, with the exception of Bonds, fires him. Fires him. The same year he broke the all-time home run record.

Now we have Milton Bradley. Milton Bradley has a deserved reputation for blowing up at the slightest provocation. He was caught being a jerk to an ump and made a big deal of it with the ump who reported him. The ump may or may not have said something unprofessional. Milton Bradley has a tantrum and attacks the umpire and, in being subdued, injures himself. He claims that if his self-inflicted injuries make him miss the season, he is going to "take action" against the umpire. MLB suspends the umpire. AOL, in its reporting, has a survey asking if the league "did enough". Not whether or not it should have done anything. Not whether or not it should have taken action against Bradley.

I don't get it.

Giants and Fortyniners... Bah! Humbug!

The only reason to watch the Giants for the last two years has been Barry Bonds. That's it. Otherwise, they have been a crappy team, and show no signs of improving. Unlike the A's, they do not have a good track record of finding good young talent on the cheap.

I have been one of the few dual loyalty fans of both the A's and the Giants for years. Certainly the Giants have the better ballpark (which makes crossing the Bay Bridge a hassle whenever they have evening games). When they cut loose the only reason to see the team a big part of me hopes they pick up, pack up their congestion-causing ballpark, and go to San Jose.

Especially if they take the 49ers with them.

It will be great. The transbay rivalry will become the cross-slough rivalry. Whoo-hooo! Go Fremont!

Who cares? If I have to take up the cause of an East Coast team then I will simply abandon baseball. Soccer (as played by Europeans and Latin Americans) is a better game anyway.

The Newspaper is Confused on Angelology

Today I read the following headline in the Vallejo Times Herald:

"A's offense comes to life, batters Angels' Colon"

I dunno about you, but I want the A's offense to be playing baseball, not performing metaphysically impossible violence on angelic beings.

Tee hee hee. I have to feel for Bartolo Colon. At least the only weirdness with Keilholtz was the spelling. The headline writers should be more mature...and yet...who could resist?

Anyway, we went to an A's game last week, against Texas, and it was a good game, played under clear blue skies and 80 degree weather. And the A's won, which is always a bonus.

Baseball Predictions

There seem to be a whole lot of predictions for the baseball season already. I don't quite get it, but since so many others are in the game, here are mine:

The Giants will play about half of their games at home and half away. The A's, aping the Giants once again, will do the same.

Of course the Cubs will also do this, which will raise hopes, once again, for the poor Cubs fans (one real prediction I will make: the Cubs will not make it to the World Series). Of course snide, hardened veteran sports writers will point out that the Yankees AND the Mets will follow a similar pattern.

Of course as we get into September, the numbers start taking on much more meaning, and we will see four teams in each league playing baseball in October. Ultimately, we will end up with a National League victor and an American League victor. You might have another suggestion, but this is how it has been for years.

And the World Series winner will definitely be one of the following two teams: the American League champs or the National League champs.

Now, if the A's have all of their players go on the disabled list, they will not have a very good season.

And that is how the 2007 baseball season is going to pan out.

Play Ball!

On Baseball

When I started this blog one of the things that I had planned on giving significant time to was the musical/formal aspects to the game of baseball. It intrigues me, because it is one of the few sports that happens entirely in its own time. The clock is simply to measure, not to determine. When the game is won, it is over, whether that is the top of the ninth or the bottom. And so on.

However, due to distractions (even much earlier than YouTube), I have written very little about baseball, and this goes back to when I could go to just about any A's game and sit in very good seats for free. Now that I no longer have my ticket connection, and the A's are looking to move to Fremont, I currently have and will continue to have less and less opportunities to watch the game. Sure, there is San Francisco, a better ballpark, National League, great location, etc., but that is not cheap, and there are only so many times you can tolerate standing in the freebie cage. It is fun to stand in the freebie cage (I did it for the opening day of the first season at the park), but after awhile, you want a ticket, a seat, an overpriced pint of beer, and a bag of peanuts (wasn't that a line from that Persian poet?).

However, I still like the game, and would like to point you to this excellent piece on the steroid nonsense. John is absolutely correct in his portrayal of journalists, by the way.

Torn tonight

You see, there is this part of me that actually likes Detroit:

1. My grandfather played for their minor league team.

2. I am fascinated by ghost towns, especially when they were major cities. A ghost town in progress is very interesting.

3. Motown! They only got lame when they moved to LA.

4. How can you not like pitching like that?

5. Not to mention textbook-perfect double plays?

6. Poetry in motion. Really.

That being said, I hope the A's stomp them tomorrow.

Fiddle Players in Space?

So I keep hearing all of this buzz about trading Clemens to the Astros, and I had to wonder: what sort of strange thing is going on here? Why are they sending Vasser up in orbit? Wouldn't Mark O'Connor be a more logical choice? He could come back and write one of his tedious semi-classical, semi-bluegrass pieces about the whole thing.

But Clemens? Does this shuttle go to Little Rock?

Maybe they will have to rename the shuttle the Orange Blossom Special.

Ah, baseball. Houston Astros. Got it.

Still can't figure out what a baseball team needs with a bluegrass legend. I guess since the A's have a banjo player, the Astros need a fiddle player. The next time the Astros come to Oakland, maybe they can jam together.

Speaking of Vasser Clemens, that brings to mind Jerry Garcia (Old and In the Way, a great band, by the way), and that reminds me of the sad news about Vince Welnick, RIP. I have to say that I never really liked his sound with the Dead, but since I was never a fan of any Grateful Dead keyboardist since T.C., I suppose that is to be expected. Pigpen was THE Grateful Dead keyboardist, and I think that everyone after him knew it.

Alas, Welnick was a competant musician, understood the Dead's music, and seemed to be a nice guy.

The moral of the story (of course) is: if someone offers you the job of Grateful Dead keyboardist, take out a good life insurance policy.

Baseball and Hellbound Protties

Last night we went to Porky's, our favorite blue-collar pizza parlor (excuse me, pizza palace) in San Leandro. They had baseball on the TV. I had forgotten that there were still teams playing baseball. Even this late in October. I was just at the Colliseum yesterday but there was no game going on. Come to think of it, none of the players were around either, so they must be done for the year. Too bad, as the weather has been much better for baseball in October than in September.

Maybe in April, when we are in Arizona with the team I might suggest the idea of playing baseball in October to one of their folks. It really makes marketing sense, as a few more weeks of baseball are sure to increase ad revenues, ticket sales, memorabilia sales, etc. Maybe it would be one of those suggestions best left to Saturday night, closing one of the bars with the marketing folks:

"You know, you ought to consider playing in October! I think October baseball would go over very well in Oakland. And I am not talking about that one week into the month business, either, but all the way through..."

Of course in April, everyone is positive that THIS YEAR will be THE YEAR! So, the natural response is "oh, you watch. Come October we're going to sweep the Series!"

April optimism. I bet even that every April the Cubs think that they aren't going to stink. Hah!

And speaking of stinking, that makes me think of heretics, liberals, apostates, and pagans.

The other day, in writing about Meier, I said, "to Hell with her" due to her abandoning the True Faith for some Prottie Dog Heresy (tm). A friend of mine said, "oh no, that is too much like Hamlet."

So let me clarify. When I said "to Hell with her" I meant that not as a wish but simply as an observation. It seems to be her wish. I hope she sees the light and comes back to Holy Mother Church and the Sacraments. I also hope that she withdraws from consideration and the President appoints a real nominee, but that is beside the point.

The point is that this bright woman is on the road to Hell, a road of her own choosing, and it is too bad.

So, here is some food for thought:

There are no Protestants in Heaven.

Pray! Obey! Fight! (and thanks to the Professor for this wonderful combination of two great slogans. I think I might make him an honorary Falangist).

And, while on the topic of stinking pagans, have you ever noticed how comical the Wicci people are? Where does Central Casting find them? OF course around the Feast of All Saints, they come out of the woodwork, declaring that they don't wear pointy hats, that they don't ride brooms, but then they spout all of this balderdash that is actually funnier than the stereotypical witchery (and I am not saying that they are telling the truth, as they are devil worshippers, even as they say they aren't. I wouldn't be surprised if they didn't wear pointy hats in their covens. I have certainly heard some cackle).

Neo-Wiccans would be a laugh riot if they weren't spreading this crap around. The Armed Forces have Wiccan chaplains. These are grown-ups with a solemn duty, and they are running around dabbling in this stuff. I bet you Portugal doesn't have Wiccan chaplains (Spain, alas, has a prime minister who might as well be a witch, complete with black hat and broom). Malta doesn't have Wiccan chaplains.

Wiccan chaplains did not tend to Miguel Cervantes at the battle of Lepanto!

If there are two crimes that are deserving of the death penalty they are:

1. Promoting Celto-Germanic paganism and
2. Promoting the ordination of women

Under the Keilholtz Dictatorship the law will read:

"All those women and their accomplices (accomplicesses?) who have hands laid on them on riverboats shall be burned at the stake with the rest of their coven."

Bad News

I actually knew about this last night, since the Oakland Tribune was breaking this story this morning, but could not say anything until the paper hit the stands.

For those of you in the Bay Area, go get a copy of the Trib (or San Mateo County Times, Argus, Tri-Valley Herald, etc.). Read it an weep.

Oh well, at least I will have no reason to root for an American League team again.

I also am going to continue my current practice of never stepping foot in Las Vegas. I have not done so, and will extend my ban forever. There are too many interesting places to go to. Why waste time and money on that crap?

Sour Grapes

First, I don't see what all the fuss is all about. If these loyal Boston fans are so loyal, let them move back to Boston. I am not one of these people who thinks that immigrants must renounce all ties and allegiances to the old country, but to wear red and blue to Pac Bell Park is treason. You want to engage in that garbage on your own time, in the privacy of your own home, fine, but don't do it in public on Giants' time. If you love Boston so much, remember it in the winter when Logan is iced and snowed in by some blizzard and we are going about in short-sleeve shirts. Then we'll see you people change your tune.

Second, quit gloating, Mark, because everything will be different after tonight.