Tejas!

The Texans have finally woken up! It's about time, but given as how slooooow they talk, I should have expected it.

The funny thing is that I pick on Texas because Texas is big enough to take it. I have this theory, you see, that there are really only five United States: California, Texas, New York, Florida and Hawaii. The rest are all provinces. Think about it: if the whole ball of wax were to fall apart, would Nevada remain independent for more than a couple of years? Even states with a proud and strong tradition would band together, as they would have to in the face of the big five (well, really Hawaii would be no threat to anyone, but they never made sense to me as a state anyway).

The California/Texas connection is strong. We were both a part of Spain, then Mexico. Many of our Central Valley folk can trace roots to Texas (my inlaws, for instance). There are active bullfighting clubs in both Texas and California (I think New York is the only other state with a major pena taurina, although in California and Texas we actually have bullfights). Even our oil companies are united, with the merger of Texaco (who valiantly supported Franco in the Spanish Civil War) with Chevron. Arhoolie Records, who have put out some of the best Texan folk music (Lydia Mendoza, Flaco Jimenez, Lightnin' Hopkins, Mance Lipscomb, Esteban "Steve" Jordan, Clifton Chenier (no, he was not from Louisiana) and many, many others) is in California. When I was the marketing and promotions director there, I probably dealt with Texas and Texans more than any other state, besides, possibly, Louisiana. As I mentioned on the Summamamas' blog, even Bob Wills ended up in California, as did Texas-born (I think) Buck Owens.

While the notion of living on the other side of the Sierra Nevada creeps me out to no end, I think I could tolerate living in Texas, especially San Antonio.

Worried About Texas...

If any of my readers are in Oklahoma or Louisiana, would you mind going over to Texas to check the pulse.

You see, in my experience, all you have to do is make a funny face in the general direction of the Alamo, and you have to fend off the indignant Texans.

So, when I, in one of those moods, compared the map of Texas to an oddly-cut Porterhouse steak, on a certain well-known Texan blog, I expected to at least get a barrage of funny insults, if not from the hosts of that particular blog, at least from one of the other notorious Texans of St. Blogs.

Nada.

Zip.

The wind whistles through the tumbleweeds and rustles the dirt near a long-horn's skull.

Come on, folks, colorful indignation now. I am counting on you. Don't forget to mention rattlesnakes, as we always like to hear Texans talk about rattlesnakes. Don't let me down.

Or at least tell me if the Tejano version of the famous song goes "all my ejas live in Tejas?"

Cheers from the Golden State!

Tag! I'm it. Thanks, Pansy.

Four Jobs
1. Ensemble manager at the University of California, Santa Cruz
2. General Production Worker, Prepress Department, Cal Central Press
3. Marketing and Promotions Director, Arhoolie Records
4. Restaurant Reviewer, a chain of daily newspapers in the Bay Area.

Four Movies I Would Watch Over and Over:
1. Wings of Desire
2. La Dolce Vita/8 1/2 (Two films, but they really work as a pair)
3. Singing in the Rain
4. La Notte di San Lorenzo (English title: Night of the Shooting Stars)

Four Places I Have Lived:
1. Sacramento, CA
2. Santa Cruz, CA
3. Oakland, CA
4. Those are the only places that I had a mail box in.

Four TV Shows I Love to Watch:
1. South Park
2. The Teletubbies
3. Hee Haw
4. Monday Night Football (although I only watched one game this season)

Websites I visit daily (well, not quite daily, as I usually go a couple of days a week without even checking email):
1. Google
2. Several blogs listed on the side
3. Modern Art Notes
4. various bullfighting sites

Favorite Four Foods
1. Pizza
2. Pasta with a properly made Tuscan ragu, marsala, cream and reggiano parmigiana.
3. Cardoni gratin
4. Trippa alla fiorentina

Four Places I Would Rather Be:
1. Rome
2. Big Sur
3. North Beach, San Francisco
4. Point Reyes, but 20 years ago, before all the yuppies moved in.

Four People I Am Tagging:
1. Deirdre
2. Steven Riddle
3. Old Oligarch (if he can be so tempted)
4. Anyone who feels like it (Alicia, Don, Julie?)!

On Pop Art

"The whole movement toward a so-called pop art, in the visual arts as well as in music, I see as a disaster, really shameful for mankind, once oriented toward the highest, whose only goal in art was to glorify the divine and the cosmic spirit, and for whom everything in the human world was related to these invisible worlds. That this is now replaced, generally speaking, by garbage art, which celebrates material impermanence and decay, is a disgrace. It needs a tremendous mysticism to adore God through garbage; it is possible, but when you reach a point where images of a lipstick or hotdog have the same significance as the crucifix or Madonna in earlier cultures, it shows where a country is heading spiritually."

Who do you think said that? I will give you a hint: he is German.

No, not the Holy Father.

This is from an interview with Karlheinz Stockhausen by Robin Maconie in August of 1981. You can find it, along with many other gems in Stockhausen on Music, which rates among the top five of works most influential works most influential to me on art and music theory.

Back ache! Bah humbug! At best they are simple goldbricking, at worst a psychosomatic ailment!!!

I was not picking anything heavy up. In fact, I wasn't picking anything up at all. I was placing a thin, lightweight piece of cedar on a saw horse and every muscle fibre in my back seemed to cramp at once.

I don't go for this sort of nonsense. Back pain. Hogwash!

It's nothing a long walk in the hills won't cure. Ever since psychologists have decided that their job is to ratify feelings rather than get people over their neuroses and psychoses, that option is out.

The first person, by the way, to suggest that I see a chiropractor, gets moved immediately to the top of the priority list for the Reeducation Centers in the Keilholtz Dictatorship.

The interesting thing about it all is that it does not seem to respond one bit to ibuprofen, which makes me believe all the more that back pain is nothing but a psychological or moral defect, along the lines of most colds. These are diseases that are best treated with punishment rather than coddling.

Anyway, troops, quit your whining, and MARCH!

Dr. Severian Will See You Now...

I have been reading Gene Wolf recently, so a visit to the dentist inevitably brings up images of the Guild of Torturers. Or at least Steve Martin.

The funny thing was when the assistant said, "avoid coffee, red pasta sauce, red wine and other things that can stain for the rest of the day." I managed to avoid the red wine, but, look, it is a molar, only the cement is in danger of staining, and it is very close to the gum line anyway.

Avoid coffee. Hah.

Tooth only hurts a little bit, which is better than the four and a half hour torture session I had with three other molars last month. The novocaine wore off twice in the middle of it (I metabolize things very quickly). I don't blame my current dentist, who seems to do excellent work, rather I blame the quack who installed the prematurely deteriorating fillings in the first place (Dr. WhyIAvoidedDentistsForFourteenYears).

Other than her shoddy work, I had only two small regions of decay in fourteen years without a proper cleaning and check up.

The moral of the story: brush and floss regularly. It pays off. Really.

On water...

One thing I did not talk about in my overly long discourse on espresso (was there anything I did not ramble on about? Believe it or not, yes. Lots. Coffee is a very complicated matter, but well worth it) was water. In Oakland we have soft water. In Sacramento it is hard water. I use water right out of the tap and have never had any problems with it. I also drink water right out of the tap, seeing the filtering movement as nothing more than secular neo-Puritanism. Flouride is good. Trace amounts of chlorine that kill nasty microorganisms are good.

I have found that when someone is going on a little too long about water purity and they are talking about the modern Western world, not some place where the municipal water authorities have not yet figured out that the cloaca and the drinking water tube should be distinct from one another, the chances are great that they are trying to sell you something. I don't stick to pure grain alcohol and rainwater, and I seem to be doing OK.

But back to water for espresso brewing:

The only concern with hard water is that minerals can build up in your machine. This problem is solved by, once every few years, running white vinegar through the works, immediately followed by several runs with distilled water, until no more vinegar can be smelled or tasted. If a little, teeny hint of vinegar is there, it will go away after the first couple of real shots brewed.

So my basic rule is this: if the water is good enough to drink, it is good enough to make espresso with. Sort of like mixing concrete. Just don't drink the concrete.

Making Espresso at Home

Over at Two Sleepy Mommies there is talk about making good coffee for one. Of course one can buy one of those small cone filters to make a single cup, but I, for one, cannot drink too much drip coffee. There is something about the extraction that destroys my digestive system. I once in awhile will drink a cup of French press, but can only do it rarely.

That leaves me with espresso, of which I drink copiously. From six to twelve shots a day. I sleep fine (even though the last shots of the day are usually after 11pm), have no digestive problems from it, and highly recommend it to folks who like coffee.

Now in our age of Starbucks it is easy to find espresso. Even drive throughs exist. Unfortunately very few places actually make a good espresso. In Sacramento I know of four caffes that do it right. In Oakland there are only two that I know of (barring the times when Peet's is making the espresso with their Espresso Forte blend and not Garuda (yuck for espresso) or Major Dickison's (neither yuck nor yum). In San Francisco you get better odds. So, if you want to switch to espresso the best bet is to learn to make it yourself.

You can spend a lot of money on equipment. La Pavoni piston machines, Gaggia pump machines, they are great and someday I hope to have one. Unfortunately they take up a lot of space and cost a lot of money, and they do require maintenance, which I would probably end up doing myself, since I like to tinker with things like that.

So that leaves three choices: a cheap pump driven machine (like the Krupps that I have, which we bought for about $100), a steam machine (generally cheap. I have seen them on sale for around $30 and see them at yard sales), or a stove-top Moka Express (price varies depending on the size and brand). I recommend a pump-driven machine, and one that takes grounds, not pods (which simply cannot result in a good espresso). For reviews of specific brands and models, go to Coffeegeek.com and try not to be intimidated by the fact that this is a site run by fanatics. Once you get over the intimidation factor, check out this article on the history and ever-rising standards of a good espresso. Especially look at the photo of the shot, which is a good model to think about.

Read this whole entry before you select a brewing method, and then think about grinders. You can get a rotary blade grinder just about anywhere. I saw them at the hardware store the other day. They are cheap, and, while they tend to grind unevenly and to heat the beans too much, they work. I use one every day. Sure I would rather have a $150 burr grinder, but there is the kitchen real estate factor, as well as the fact that $150 can buy a lot of other things. So, as long as I keep being satisfied with my espresso, the blade grinder stays.

Realize that espresso takes practice, so plan on spending a Sunday afternoon and a pound of beans learning your machine. Brew shot after shot, making a note of the character of the coffee. Undrinkable shots should go down the drain. You spent maybe $11 for a pound of coffee (cheaper if you shop around properly - my main source runs at about $8 a KILO, although I do blend it with a third part of $12 a pound beans). If a shot is not ideal, but not great, sweeten it, freeze it and scrape it into a glass, top it with slightly sweet whipped cream and you have a wonderful granita di caffe.

Now we get to the factors of brewing espresso: blend, roast, grind, the group, the tamp, and the machine (pressure and temperature).

Blend: Most commercially available "espresso blends" are about right. They vary, but they tend towards full-bodied Latin American and Asian Arabica beans, with some African Arabicas thrown in for aroma and a small percent of robusta beans. There is controversy over the addition of robusta, but I have come to see it as essential for espresso. Except for Illy, due to Francesco Illy's hatred of robusta, almost all of the Italian beans you can buy have robusta in them. Unless you are blending your own, you will want to find a reputable vendor and trust their coffee taster. I recommend Peet's Espresso Forte, Caffe Roma (in San Francisco) Trevi and Roma blends in a 50/50 mix, Blue Bottle in Oakland, and a couple of others whose exact names escape me. Always buy whole bean, as even beans in a blade grinder are better than pre-ground beans.

Roast: Again, you will probably rely on the pros for the degree of roastiness. However, if you are having trouble, look at the roast. Is it black and super oily? It might be French roast, which does not make good espresso. The French overroasted their beans so that they could use nearly 100% robusta from their West African colonies. I might point out that, while the French consume coffee prodigiously, they do not make it very well at all. If your espresso is thin and acidic, with harsh notes, it could be that your roast is too light. A good espresso roast should be dark brown, not black, and fairly oily, but not as oily as a French roast.

Grind: Now you have your beans home and want to brew. Espresso grind is pretty fine. Not the talcum powder like dust used in Turkish coffee, but fine. Pinch the grounds. They should clot together, but not stay together like clay. Rub them between your fingers. They should feel somewhat soft, with a little abrasion. When the grounds are dropped out of the fingers, you should see the lines of your fingers holding coffee dust the way an intaglio plate holds ink.

Now it is time to load the basket. This is where the consideration of the machine comes in. When we bought our new machine last year, it came with a woefully inadequate basket. It was too shallow by far, and sloped to make a strong tamp all but impossible. So I took the much deeper and straight-lined group from the old steam machine, and the combination was good. Ideally the portafilter (the basket and the handle) should be pretty heavy. Mine isn't, so don't think you need to spend oodles of dough just to get a good espresso. You might want to salvage a group from a yard sale model, or craft your own, if you are good with metal. I don't know, but you might be able to order a proper group from the manufacturer.

The first thing I do is heat the whole group by running an empty shot through. This heats and cleans the group head (muy importante), heats the group and the cup. Dump any old grounds that flushed out of the groupo head and rinse with the hot water from the cup. Dry the basket before putting in grounds.

You cannot do this with a pump machine, so run the group and the cup under hot water.

Fill the basket with grounds and start...

The Tamp: You can and should buy a proper coffee tamp. I still haven't in my nearly twenty years of making espresso, so again, it is not that important. I use the back of the coffee scoop, which is flat, but not wide enough, so I have to tamp the center, then the sides. Then I use my thumb to get the edges. This is important with my machine, because if I don't get an even tamp, water will find its way into voids and the extraction is too fast, and the espresso wretched. Generally, I recommend a heavy tamp. Too much and the water goes too slow, too little and the water goes too fast. Ideally the coffee should ooze out like honey. Drop by drop and it will be too bitter. Fast like water, and it will be thin and bitter. You will need to experiment and to rely on your eye as well as your muscle memory of how much pressure to use.

If you are using a Moka Express, tamp firmly. You need to create proper resistance to the steam-propelled water.

Please note that some owner's manuals on some machines say not to tamp. They are full of tea or hogwash or something that is not espresso. Ignore them. I have yet to meet a machine that did well without tamping. I have owned three different steam machines, two Moka Express pots and a pump machine, and I have used many other machines. Tamping is essential.

Now, put the group in place to wherever the manufacturer indicates is the safe locking position. Do not overtighten, and certainly don't undertighten, as that can be explosive and messy (not to mention dangerous).

Dry your cup.

In a steam machine you fill the reservoir and turn it on. When it has generated enough heat and steam, the water will flow. At a certain time the espresso will change color and become a light brown froth only. Quickly pull the shot out and place the slops cup under to catch this worthless excess, which is not fit for human consumption. This is important because ALL steam machines, unless it is one of those ones with a cutoff valve, continue to brew long after good espresso is in the cup. Ignore the markings on the glass pitcher, which will be broken in a month anyway. Do not worry about timing your shots. Get the viscosity right and the timing will take care of itself.

With a pump machine, turn the valve. When the brew changes to the icky stuff (eventually you will predict this and shut it off right before this), turn the valve off. I do not time my shots, although Peter, the excellent barista at Sacramento's Infusion, says I should. I suppose it is the best way of building a disciplined approach to making espresso. Maybe I will start doing it. I will report if it makes a difference.

With the Moka Express, things are trickier. You want to brew over the lowest heat possible (and watch the plastic handle, which, if it is over the heat source will start to melt. Don't worry, you will forget this and yours will have the same ugly melted end that all of them do eventually) with THE LID UP. You want the coffee to simple ooze out of the top. Once it starts to spurt, take it off heat and pour.

Now, for cheap home models, temperature and pressure are beyond your control. They will be constants for you to deal with. Your control is over the grind, pack and tamp, and when you stop the extraction.

Experiment, practice, don't be afraid to throw out a bad shot, and you will eventually have consistantly good espresso in your own home.

If you have questions or want clarifications, feel free to comment or email me at EKeilholtz [at] aol [period] com.

Happy Espresso!

Egads!

Somehow it has become 1am without my noticing it. I sat down to write a post on art and beauty (watch out for those ones...you know the ones: they take a lot of time to write and are an attempt to begin a discussion and absolutely no one comments) and got caught up reading a bunch of other stuff and thought "I'm getting kind of tired." I look at the clock and... 1am. No post. No art talk. Oh well, no comments anyway!

Bah! I write about pink popcorn or the Meyer Briggs and get comments, but I write about art and zip.

Not bitter. Not me. Oh no, sirreee!

Beef Wellington Recipe... sort of...

First, study the recipe for Beef Wellington in Julia Childs' Mastering the Art of French Cooking Vol Two. Then, think of inserting a truffled duck liver mousse between the beef and the brioche.

OR...

Insert a mince of fresh porcini mushrooms, sauteed and finished with marsala in that layer.

If you need more details, holler.

I want to be
In some
Dark Holler...

The Making of the Tea, and Falun Dafa Zombies!

I had to post on the rather funny thing going on in my kitchen. Amalia and Melanie were improvising an operatic recit on the topic of cleaning a cabinet, and then, selecting and making tea. Amalia jumped right in and was singing along.

So I logged on to the edit page and thought "maybe I should delete some spam comments" and found some laugh-riots from one of the zombies of Falun Dafa/Falu Gong. I remember the first time I saw their Scientology on Tai Chi act, they had these goofy signs reading "Falun Gong is Good!" The last time I saw them they had an upgrade and said "Falun Gong is Great!"

No. Falun Gong is Bullshit. Pure and Simple. Eastern Scientologists. They make Mormons look smart. There, that was your Ecumenical moment for the day. Savor it. Enjoy it.

I know that I am going to get one of my whiner commenters now, to say "oh that is not charitable" and all that hogwash. It is not charitable to sit grinning at a Satanic Cult as it pretends to be a force for good.

Bah!

Anyway, have a great Fourteenth Day of Christmas! Unless you got rid of your tree before the 1st. Communist! Protestant! Don't get me started on the absurdity of celebrating the Epiphany on the 8th. They don't do that in Rome, so they shouldn't here!

On the fourteenth day of Christmas my true love gave to me... fourteen silly episcopal functionaries sitting around ignoring real problems and doing things like killing the whole Christmas season thing by playing around with the date of Epiphany, thirteen wretched Catholic in Name Only Colleges hiring quacks like Starhawk, etc.

Langsam, Wozzeck, Langsam!

Happy New Year!

I am supposed to be writing an article that is due tomorrow morning. In fact, I have two due tomorrow, but one really needs work, and the other can be polished up between breakfast and toothbrushing. Teethbrushing. It is a completely unpleasant image, that of only having one tooth to brush.

So, since I have to write an article, naturally I am sitting at the computer, and what better thing to do while sitting at the computer, but blog housekeeping? So I delete comments, respond to comments, and notice, lo and behold, that I have not yet posted something in 2006.

I have a pending request for a Beef Wellington recipe, and I am still researching that one, and making adjustments. I also got a request for quick, easy and tasty lunches for busy homeschooling moms, so, voila!, we have a theme for the month.

First step, you turn a mushroom...

Just kidding. I hate turned mushrooms. Fussy. Too much handling. If you want baroque splendor, use a pastry bag, fer cryin' out loud. Don't mishandle produce.

But that is for later, after I get this article done...