Read this for a laugh...

Well, we have baseball tickets and I have a deadline for a story today, so don't expect too much until tomorrow, but something I did on a procrastination break this morning was to catch up on Secret Agent Man. This, while now slightly out of date, is still quite funny.

Oh yes, One more...

Speaking of Mattie Fox, for those of you who don't read A Saintly Salmagundi, you might not know that "Rev. Dr." Fox (tee hee hee hee), has published his "reflections" on the election of Benedict XVI. It starts out crazy and quickly degenerates. Wait until you get to the CIA stuff. At some point Mattie and Malachi Martin are going to run into each other. I won't say where, but it ain't gonna be pretty.

Of course the comings and goings of Matt Fox are a local story here in Oakland. He runs a storefront church/ashram/university downtown, very close to the beautiful Oakland Paramount Theater. His techno-cosmic rave "masses" are quite popular among the boomers who want to think of themselves as au courant. Giggle. Titter. Giggle.

Oh yeah, to answer his last question: No.

Welcome New Readers! 12 Things...

Naturally I would not be at my onry self if I didn't have a long, harsh, and illiberal post greeting those who came to this site from the Contra Costa Times article. So, anyway, read the one below this one, and if you are wondering, "what sort of right wing crank is this," well, Howdy!

So there it is: you have stumbled onto the website of someone who is:

1. So far to the Right that he sometimes pops his head out of a gopher hole on the Left. Someone who would rather slice off his testicle than vote for Al Gore, but would prefer to never, ever, ever have to live in one of those so-called "red states." A right winger who is more at home in Berkeley than Peoria (OK, quit whining. I never heard of the Peoria Symphony, or the Peoria Museum of Modern Art. Will it play in Peoria? Who cares?)

2. A Triumphalist, Papal Maximalist, Traditionalist, Fanatical, Doctrinaire and Uncompromising Child of the Second Vatican Council (and all prior councils as well).

3. A foaming at the mouth, drooling enthusiast of the painting of Richard Diebenkorn, the films of Fellini (and Wenders), the poetry of the French Symbolists, the cooking of Alice Waters, and the music of Domenico Scarlatti, Karlheinz Stockhausen, and Thelonious Monk.

4. A Grateful Dead fan. Really. Don't ask. I stopped counting after 20 shows.

5. A meat eater. No I mean a real meat eater. Sweetbreads. Tripe. Tongue. Look, I make my own headcheese. From pigs' heads. I took my little daughter with me to slaughter and butcher cattle. And she loves meat as much as she loves animals. She gave them their last supper. It was cute, and she still gets excited when I pull out a chunk of one of those bulls from the freezer.

6. Something else I share with my daughter is a love of the bullfight. Where else can you see horses and bulls and hear great brass band music?

7. I can tolerate just about anyone. Heretics. Infidels. I get along quite well with Mormons, even. But not animal rights activists. I would rather drink a martini made with vodka than hang out with one of them.

8. I consider the East Coast as starting at stateline, Lake Tahoe.

9. As much as I am a foodie, my real culinary love is espresso. If I were to wake up and only have one of my cooking abilities left, it would be the ability to make a perfect doppio espresso molto ristretto (and that is something I only do once in a great while).

10. I hate suburban sprawl, private air conditioning, garage door openers, and lawns.

11. I used to be in favor of Starbucks, until they gutted the quality of their product. I will point out to anyone willing to listen that Starbucks used to do a decent job until about 1998. I will also defend Budweiser (not Light, however, as Light beer is an abomination in the sight of the Lord). Especially if you give me a few of them. I fear that Peet's is following Starbucks (although the quality of the beans has stabilized in the last few months. I don't know anything about the internal workings of the company, but it was slipping and seems to have stopped).

12. I am the only person in my house who likes the Teletubbies. Everyone else finds them boring or creepy. I find them inspirational. I want an grinning baby in the sun! I want little loudspeakers popping up in the garden giving me orders and nursery rhymes! It is like The Prisoner, but with fuzzy colorful things. We are all Wiggles fans, though. Just saw them live at the Oakland Arena. Great show.

Mohammedanism and a dose of Keilholtzian Ecumenical Dialog (Sit still, there, Infidel, I am dialoging to you!)

There seems to be something in the air among our permascowlers. Certainly one of the recent whiners came from a recent article in the Contra Costa Times, but one stumbled by here a few days ago.

You can go read their comments here, but I will address some of them here.

First, it seems that I need to explain once again why I call the religion Mohammedanism and the followers Mohammedans.

The various professionally thenthitive sorts like to point out, "actually, the followers of Islam call themselves Muslims... blah blah blah." They generally conclude that I am ignorant of this fact and often suggest that I get to know a Mohammedan personally.

So, let's dismiss this one. I have. Very personally. I have even maintained friendships over the years with several of them. And yes, they know what I think of Mohammed, and they know that I know what they think of "men of the book." We don't trivialize each others' views by pretending that they are inconsequential (because, unlike the worthless screeds of the followers of Matthew Fox or Starhawk (boy I do seem to be picking on one local "Catholic" institution, don't I?), we have no doubt that we hold beliefs that we take extremely seriously, to the point of life and death decisions based on them. Doesn't mean that we have to go about killing each other over them, just yet). That is what the liberals and other Endarkenment types do when they prattle on about a marketplace of ideas. If all ideas are equal, or weighted only by popularity in a free market, then none of them are worth a hill of beans, and you might as well shut up and let me turn old useless Grandma into soap, because your truth is not my truth.

Did someone talk about the "dictatorship of relativism" or something of that sort recently? Or did I just dream it?

I fully realize that these Mohammedans call their faith "Islam" which basically boils down to "submission [to the will of God]." I submit that "Islam" when used properly means the Holy Catholic Church of Rome. The real "Muslims", the ones who REALLY submit to the will of God, rejoiced when their Cardinals elected His Most Emminent and Reverend Lord, Lord Joseph Cardinal of the Holy Roman Church Ratzinger to the See of Peter.

So, why give up an important linguistic point? If you want to be opposed to "submission to the will of God," then so be it. I would rather be opposed to submission to the misunderstanding of the will of God promoted by one Mohammed.

"Ah," but the thenthitive will say, "Mohammedan implies, like Christian, that the follower worships Mohammed, who they don't, they see him as simply another prophet." [three to one odds that it is about this point that they start mentioning that, "actually [they do love that "actually", especially when it is used to preface some superficially understood balderdash], the Muslims revere Jesus, too."]

Fine, then what does that say about the Lutherans, the Calvinists, the Swedenbourgians, the Marxists, the Confuxianists, etc.? Let us be serious here. No one assumes that the Lutherans worship Luther. They have a whole bunch of goofy ideas (and stop before you begin with the "you should really get to know a Lutheran before you..." because I will have you know that I used to go to a Lutheran church every Sunday to take my grandfather (followed by a Catholic Mass with my grandmother, and, yes, Virginia, the Novus Ordo is similar to the Lutheran worship service, which does NOT render it defective, you ninnies) There you have it, pissing off the Left and the Right, in one fine post. Sheesh, get this boy to a bullfight before he starts tearing a new one into Abe Lincoln and Apple Pie).

OK. Maybe Marxists do worship Marx, but they are really bad (once again, don't tell me to get to know one. I was one), and I might argue that some Protestants worship the Protesting more than anything, but again, it is different.

But the point is that in the languages of the West, we identify a set of creeds with the founder, particularly when they share a root with other creeds. So we can distinguish patriarchal monotheists who revere Jesus by the creeds of their founder (you really could see this one coming, couldn't you?):

Christians follow a Church (that has four marks) built by Christ.
Lutherans follow a creed cooked up by Luther.
Calvinists follow a dismal religion hatched in the darker recesses of Calvin's brain.
Mohammedans follow a creed cobbled together from a variety of Eastern heresies by Mohammed.
And Baptists don't recognize each other at the liquor store...oh wait, that is another punchline.

For Mohammedans to insist that the mechanics of our languages be set aside so that they can gloat that "even the infidel calls our faith 'submission to the will of God'" is laughable.

To call Mohammedanism "Islam" is blasphemy. It is saying that God has no Son. No Catholic ought to do it. I am not saying that a Catholic who uses the term "Islam" casually believes that the Koran is anything more than an interesting bit of Classical Arabic poetry, but it gives the wrong impression.

Now, on to the second point, which is the feeble whining about censorship.

Erik's Rants and Recipes is a benevolent dictatorship. It is (ah, my Marxist roots are showing) the Organ of the Central Committee of Keilholtz, under the direction of Chairman Keilholtz, the Secretary General of the Keilholtz Party.

I am a surprisingly tolerant dictator. There are no concentration camps in the land of Keilholtz. OK, we might have the occassional hard labor experiential reeducation facility here and there, and we might exile Joe d'Hippolito (and the funny thing is that one of the few things that Joe and I agree about is the danger of Mohammedanism. Unfortunately Joe thinks that the cure is mass slaughter, which is really horrid) until he shows up in sack cloth and ashes, but dissent is allowed, to some degree.

What is not allowed is to use this Organ of Keilholtz to spread unauthorized propoganda. I don't care if you are spreading the word of Mohammed or the sale of penile enlargement devices. Normally, spam comments are deleted. If anything I was being gentle in only deleting the url reference in the young lady's comments (which were, by and large, written in that irritating professionally thenthitive tone that you so often find among Ethnic Studies grad students- I think I have figured out who the writer is, by the way).

I am not trying to protect my readers. I cannot do that even if I wanted to. I am certainly not trying to argue via deletion (you will notice that I did not even respond to the young Mohammedan's comment), rather I am simply refusing to be a party to this sort of propoganda.

Finally (for now), let us discuss the notions of being "racist" as Miss Jones (who in a private email assures me that she is older than 19, and not a special needs person, which was a petty dig, I admit) suggests, when she writes:

What you are encouraging here is a narrow, stereotyped, frankly uneducated view of Islam, and it is downright racist.

First, I will bet you anything that Miss Jones has not studied Mohammedanism as much as I have. I can't guarantee it, but I just have a hunch. So, we will leave the uneducated view of Islam bit for now.

Racist, however, is a scream. Which "race" do the Mohammedans belong to? Let's see, if I dig around some old physical anthropology books I find that there are only three races: caucasoid, negroid, and mongloid. But then it tries to convince me that the Australian aborigines are caucasoids with melanin. OK, the archaic taxonomies are being a bit useless here.

So I go and look for linguistic groupings, which is a lot more fun. So, I can lump Arabs (but not all Mohammedans, certainly) as Semites. Where does this leave Cat Stevens or Richard Thompson? Did they get kicked out of whatever race they were before when they converted to Mohammedanism? It would seem that the racists here would be those who wish to see followers of a creed as part of a distinct race.

Ah, but Miss Jones will probably never read this, as she has told me in a private email, "I will not be stumbling into the world of Erik's rants and recipes again, I
prefer proper, reasonable debate." Preferably the sort where all ideas are considered equally true, even if they are in direct opposition, and that one gets to pat oneself on the head for thinking that all ideas are true. Meanwhile Grandma gets made into soap and the local Church is turned into a mosque.

I used to belong to these circles, where "nuance" and "open mindedness" are so highly valued that no other truth can come in their way. They are tiresome and, dare I say it, flat out wrong.

Rain and the bulls...

This afternoon it has started to rain, so if you are still thinking about making the trip to Madera it might be a good idea to check with the organizers (you should be able to find a phone number at bullfights.org. I have had the experience of driving to the bullfights only to find that the rain had made the arena mush, therefore causing the thing to be called off. Not fun.

6 Toiros 6

Tomorrow, at 5pm is the Madera bullfight. I highly recommend this one for a few reasons: one, I like the ring's setting (it isn't quite Pico dos Padres, but it is a pretty cool ring), two, it runs mostly during daylight hours, and three, there is always a pleasant atmosphere at that one.

I will most probably be there, so let me know if you want to meet up and I will tell you what I will be wearing, and where to look for me, etc.

One of those mornings

Do you ever have one of those mornings where you think that you did not finish your espresso and go over to the cup only to find it drained? Now that I think about it, it was a good espresso, too. Time for another.

Cobwebs bigtime this fine, sunny morning. I was experimenting with various adhesives for tile and cement last night, and, well, you know how it goes when you are absorbed in a project...you look up and it is suddenly 2 am.

Anyway, I think I found a good combination, but will have to test it with the pressure hose today, which is good news for Amalia, since playing with water on warm days can only mean getting good and wet. Yippeeee!

If you are wondering what I am doing with tile and cement, the answer is "mosaic." Beyond that, I will remain silent. Not so much because I am being hush-hush, but because I am not sure where this thing will go.

It has to do with an homage to Rodia and Gaudi, and sculpture. So far the plan is for four mosaic-covered pillars and a ferro-cement and mosaic covered bench and a variety of plantings. But it depends on the site, and the sun, and all that, so when I get to actually put it in, well, who knows? It might be a winged teapot.

But I think I have a good outdoor mosaic adhesive. We'll see.

Meanwhile, it is time for another doppio espresso, and subito!

Later tonight I might write about California, I might write about Diebenkorn, I might write about bedwetting liberals, it all depends on my mood.

Vatican Smoke Recipe

Someone found this site looking for "Vatican Smoke Recipe." This is something I have been wondering about, too. Does anyone know? What do they use to make it white or black? I can think of many ways of doing it, but I am wondering what the traditional way is.

Undoubtedly there is a traditional way, and somewhere in Kansas or Nebraska there is an anti-Pope who has found that they used something different, thus invalidating the past twelve elections...

heh heh heh Hee Hee Hee JAWHOOOOOOOAAAAAHHHH! (Pronounce that "J" in proper Hochdeutsch, there, Infidel!

We were driving from San Luis Obispo to Oakland, making a miniature Mission tour along the way. San Luis Obispo, San Miguel, and then the nearly 50 mile detour off the main road to see San Antonio de Padua (a first for both of us). All very lovely, and I will report on them later, if I feel like it (but honestly, just take my word for it, come out and see them for yourself, particularly in the spring when the wildflowers are in bloom).

Anyway, it was somewhere on one side of San Miguel or another that we heard the news. White smoke. Cardinal Ratzinger. Yipeeee!

At the same time the Jesuits just had a collective pants crapping. Pity.

I really did not think that Ratzinger had a chance. German. Seen as hardline. But not only did he get elected, but right away. Wow!

Anyway, the Lepanto League had an impromtu party for the new pontiff, so we went straight from the road to the party location, stopping only briefly to pick up a case of Pabst Blue Ribbon and a case of Spaten. I can think of no more appropriate time to drink a Pabst or three, than on the election of a German to the office of, well, Pabst. Of course one good Pabst deserves a couple of Spaten (und nicht so Spaet, bitte), and then one is wondering why one is feeling a little bit, well, over. And then one remembers the toasts with sparkling wine, and thinks, "ach, I forgot about those. Should have avoided that French stuff altogether!"

So then one rants while drinking pints of water.

Water.

You know what fish do in it?

Anyway, it is the penance for calculating your drinks and forgetting that bit in the middle when you switched streams only to go back again. If you switch streams, don't go back!

So, pardon my absence here, but I was in San Luis Obispo, which is, I think, in California, but surely not my part of California. Tomorrow I might have something to post on something or other, but surely by Thursday, I have a double barreled whamo to some 19 year old girl (I hope she is not older than that, as I try not to pick on special needs folks) who has mistakenly wandered into the land of Eriksrant, pulling the "ohmigod, it's like, so, ohmigod" tolerance routine. Hee hee hee.

Pope Benedict XVI!!! Hebemus Papam (oder haben wir Pabst!).

Jiiiiiiiiiiiii---HAAAAAAAAW!

Pick Yer Pope!

Go to Pope-u-lator.com for all of your Papal election needs. I am not sure how the questions generate the probable candidates, although it gave me Tettamanzi, Arinze and Ratzinger as my popes, so it certainly got something very right. I would love to see the database that it draws from.

Also on the site are some interesting Papal name statistics, and some unexpected results at the name-u-lator (click on the "progressive" and "conservative" choices for some fun), a good page on the titles of the Pope, and a blog.

Ah, yes, Sunny California

On AOL's front page they are promoting trips to Orlando, San Fran and OTHER SUNNY PLACES!

That's just mean.

I used to work near one of San Francisco's (what is this San Fran business anyway?) new trendy hotels. One of the regular sights in the summer was to see families of tourists (particularly the Germans) walk out the front door dressed for Hawaii. You should see their faces as the cold, wind-whipped fog chilled them to the bone.

If you want sun in the summer, you might want to reconsider San Francisco as a destination.

Remember, "she hates California, it's cold and it's damp..."

The Katzenjammer Lotterij!

Once again I seem to have won a lottery I never entered. Of course it is all strictly confidential. Don't tell anyone. Don't post this email on your blog for all the other potential victims to find! Also please NOT:THAT THIS PROGRAM IS REGISTERED AND LEGITIMATE AND A FREE PROGRAM.

From now on Erik's Rants and Recipes shall be referred to as a registered and legitimate and a free program!

Let Me Crazy!

This one wins points for the Katzenjammer Dutch. I have a soft spot for doubled vowels. I haaf a saaft spaat foor doobl voowln:

From: generaalloterij5555@go.com
To: generaalloterij5555@go.com
Sent from the Internet (Details)

SUBJECT SUPER GENERAAL LOTERIJ WINNE PRIJZEN
EMAIL:LOTTERY SWEEPSTAKES
ACCREDITED LICENSED AGENT TO (SUPPER GENERAAL LOTERIJ INTERNATIONAL.)
Ref.IMFD Nnumbe: 333/347/001/NLN
Batch Number: 2941-9344-VH-SD

It is true that your email address was selected, you are a winner
congratulations!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sir/Madam

We are pleased to inform you today about the result of the Supper Generaal Lotterij Winners International programs held on Monday the 28th of Febuary, 2005. Your e-mail address attached to ticket number 60447167- with serial number 2298-101 drew lucky numbers7-11-11-11-02-01 which consequently won in the 1st category, you havetherefore been approved for a lump sum pay out of EUR1,000,000.00 (ONE MILLION EUROS)in cash credited to file REF IMFD 666/353/115/NLN This is from total prize
money of EUR50,000,000.00 shared among the fifty,international winners
in this category.

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!

Due to the mix up of some numbers and name's we ask that you keep your winning information confidential until your claims has been processed and your money Remitted to you. This is part of our security protocol to avoid double claiming and unwarranted abuse of this program by some participants. All participants were selected through a computer ballot system drawn from over 40,000 company and 60,000,000 individual email addresses and names from all over the world. This promotional program takes place every three years. This lottery was promoted by the software corporation to compensate some few individuals with website and email addresses, we hope that with part of your winning you will take part in our next year EUR50 million international lottery.

----------------------------------------------------------

To file for your Claim, please contact our
FIDUCIAL AGENT Mr.Terry .O.Cullen,0F SUPPER GENERAAL LOTERIJ INTERNATIONAL
TEL: 0031-630-845-162
loterij777@netscape.net

----------------------------------------------------------

Remember, all winning must be claimed not later than Saturday the 30th of April.2005.After this date all unclaimed funds will be included in the next stake. Please note in order to avoid unnecessary delays and complications please remember to quote your reference number and batch numbers in all correspondence. Furthermore, should there be any change of address do inform our agent as soon as possible. Congratulations once more from our members of staff and thank you for being part of our promotional program. Note:
Anybody under the age of 18 is automatically disqualified.

Sincerely yours,
Mrs.Stella Gommans.
(Generaal Lottery Coordinator)

NB.1 MILJOEN EUROS VELE ANDERE FANTASTISCHE EXTRA PRIJZEN ALSO NOT:THAT THIS PROGRAM IS REGISTERED AND LEGITIMATE AND A FREE PROGRAM.

__________________________________________________

Spring Vegetable Soup

Carefully clean and trim a pound of leeks. Slice them very thinly, using the tender green parts as well as the white parts. Throw them in the cauldron.

Add a pound of washed and quartered new potatoes (I used Yukon golds, but reds will do fine).

Add two or three large fennel bulbs, trimmed and cut into chunks.

Throw in a bunch of fresh asparagus, cut into one inch segments.

Cover with chicken stock and water and drizzle extra virgin olive oil over it.

Bring to a boil and simmer for 40 minutes.

When the potatoes are tender to the fork, puree in small batches in the blender and press through a medium chinois. Enrich with cream, salt and pepper to taste, and a dash (to taste) of white wine vinegar. Return to heat and gently bring back to serving temperature.

Serve with a drizzling of herb infused extra virgin olive oil (finely mince parsley, rue, thyme, savory and a couple of leaves of lovage and steep overnight in a good finishing grade extra virgin olive oil) and garlic rubbed thyme toasts (cut thin rounds of sweet baguette, brush with goose fat or olive oil and toast. Rub with a cut piece of garlic and sprinkle fresh thyme on them. Float them in the soup).

Farmers' Market Report

Due to the late rains we have been having, our local farmers' markets are in a bit of a limbo between winter and spring. Certain spring crops are doing nicely, for instance asparagus and strawberries, but others are late.

Lettuce, for instance, is still looking like late winter crops. Mesclun tends towards flavorful, yet fairly tough, larger greens with herbs to spice things up. Mache looks weather beaten.

Root vegetables are going strong, with some beautiful beetroots, yellow carrots, and turnips.

My inside sources tell me that favas are two weeks away, that the plants have matured nicely, and the beans are starting to grow into something.

Green garlic and leeks have been fantastic (which reminds me - I need to post a recipe, will do it after I finish the report) and should remain so for another few weeks.

Tomatoes are still coming out of the hothouse and can be safely ignored. They will be bland until the real deal hits in July (some farmers in the right valleys will have tolerable tomatoes as early as May, but they are the exceptions).

Lots and lots of lovely artichokes are popping up, including the little purple ones, which can be trimmed and eaten raw, dipped in bagna cauda or even a dish of extra virgin olive oil.

Peas are there, but not where I like them to be. They looked weatherbeaten today. Sugar snaps are atrocious. Wait a couple of weeks for good ones.

Fennel is fantastic. Tender with a powerful bang.

We got a fantastic deal on lacinato (dinosaur) kale. Lots of small, tender leaves with a haunting sweet flavor and a slight touch of bitterness. I did a short braise with them with olive oil, garlic, pancetta, fennel seed, and extra dry vermouth. Yipee! Mouth fireworks!

My sources tell me that this will be a good year for squash, which should show up in a few weeks.

Stone fruits seem to be taking a beating. My primary growers are predicting small, blemished fruit, due to late season rains hitting the blossoms and hail striking the young fruit.

As mentioned before, strawberries are at their peak, particularly ones from San Diego County. Watsonville is good, but will be getting better in the next few weeks.

No purple garlic yet, bulbs won't be ready until May. Ditto purple onions (great on the grill with balsamico).

Saw some beautiful rainbow chard. Passed this week, due to the bags of lacinato, but will probably get some next week.

Speaking of lovely greens: pea shoots are here! Wash them, but do not dry them. Toss them in a hot wok with olive oil and a little garlic. If you want to gild the lily, finish them with a splash of amontillado. Serve with meat or in a pasta with speck.

Talked to a fairly new business: Juliet Mae Fine Spices and Herbs, found here. Tasted and bought their Dukkah spice and nut blend, and plan on using it on seared tuna. I will probably serve it with a good viognier or a good pinot grigio from Alto Adige.

I got the good news that one of my favorite famers is experimenting with salsify! Currently all of our supply is imported from Belgium (and it is almost all scorzanero, the black salsify that is not considered as good as the white), so I really welcome a local source. It should be fresher and cheaper. So far his experiments have not been so great, but he promises to keep trying.

This same farmer is promising outstanding radishes as early as next week, but more probably in two weeks. He has a green radish that he thinks is even better than the watermelon radish. I will sample and report as soon as I get them.

Limoncino or Limoncello...

First, I am not sure if there is a difference between "limoncello" and "limoncino." I use them interchangeably to mean a sweet digestivo made from a clear alcohol base, lemon zest and simple syrup.

The first consideration is the type of lemons. My favorite to use are the Meyer lemons, which grow in abundance on backyard trees in the Bay Area. The Meyer is a cross between a lemon and a mandarin (or other sort of orange thing) and is sweeter and more nuanced than the bright Eureka or Lisbon lemons. However, any lemon will do, and as you get good at this, you might start blending them (I imagine that 75% Meyer and 25% Lisbon would be interesting, a little punchier than the straight Meyer, but with the orange notes that make Meyer so delicious).

However, Meyers do not ship well, so if you don't grow them or know someone who does, you will probably not be able to buy them (unless you live in an area where you have no need of buying them, because they are free all over).

So, pick out five lemons (preferably organic, especially since there is really no reason to apply pesticide to lemon trees, and you want nothing but the lemon oil to be leached into the alcohol). Wash them gently and peel them with a vegetable peeler. Use a sharp knife to remove every little bit of pith, which will make your limoncello bitter). Put the zest in a clean (and I mean CLEAN) mason jar.

Add your alcohol (pure grain alcohol, grappa or vodka: 1 7/8 cups pure grain, 2 of grappa, 2 1/8 of vodka). Seal the jar, and put it in the sun for a couple of weeks.

Make a simple syrup of 2 1/2 cups sugar to 2 cups of water with a pinch of cream of tartar or a dash of corn syrup (optional, but it inhibits problems later) by bringing to a boil, then simmering for ten minutes. Allow the syrup to cool (I have had mason jars break when I added insufficiently cooled syrup to cold extractives).

Filter the lemon extract through cheesecloth layers, return to the jar and add the syrup. Shake it vigorously, and let it sit for another two to three weeks (or months, even better). Bottle it (if you need your mason jar, or have made quadruple batches, as I do), and keep a bottle in the freezer (sometimes, depending on what alcohol you used and the temperature of your freezer, you might have to spike it with some grappa to keep it from freezing).

Serve small glasses of chilled limoncello after meals or drizzle it over berry sorbet or over poundcakes. You can make girly drinks with it, too, but please don't tell me about it!

Marooons!...and midgets.

Yesterday our dear friend, Anonymous Poster, left the following message:

THIS SITE DID NOT HELP ME FOR MOONSHINE!

Since the poor fellow posted it under the Nocino recipe (and that reminds me, I owe one of the Summamamas a recipe for limoncello, which I will post shortly), I assume that he is another of the legion of poor souls who cannot figure out how to use a search engine.

Perhaps this fellow should consider laying off the moonshine, as it seems to be making his linguistic abilities falter. He also seems to be one of those pugnacious drunks who SCREAMS when he is three sheets to the wind.

So that is the Marooooon! part of the post.

I realize that most of you came here for the stories about midgets, or at least about miniaturized versions of grown-ups. So here goes...

This morning my parents had a 6am flight from Oakland, so they spent the night at our house and I drove them to the airport at some hour that really ought to be illegal.

When I got home I was shocked to find that my place in the bed had been taken by a midget. Upon closer examination I gasped, "they done shrunk Melanie!" But then I had to figure out what she was doing next to her shrunken self. "They done copied Melanie with the reduction setting on?!?" No, that couldn't be it.

Anyway, at that hour I was more intent on getting back to bed than figuring out why there was a big Melanie and a mini-Melanie in the bed. Anyway, the mini-Melanie thought that it would be better to sleep on top of my head than it would to be content to sleep between us. And I was far too exhausted to take the mini-Melanie back to her bed, so if posts seem grumpy and rambly, blame mini-Melanie (who is now being incredibly amusing, bringing me pieces of fruit from the fruit bowl for me to smell).

St. Peter and the Holey Socks

Last night at the North Beach Lectura Dantis (a fun bunch of folks you should really visit at least once if you are in the area), we were discussing Peter's examination of Faith in Canto XXIV and the subject of Peter's denial of Christ came up. So we looked at scripture and read the passage where each of Peter's three denials (before the crucifixion) was answered by an affirmation of faith and Jesus' corresponding commission, post Resurrection.

So, this was on my mind as I put my socks on this morning to find that, for the second day in a row the socks I chose had annoying holes in them. As I was making my espresso I was thinking that, as far as minor peeves go, holes in my socks rank right up there, especially when my big toe finds its way to the fresh air.

But, just as each of Peter's denials was answered, I realized that, as far as minor joys go, there is nothing quite as satisfying as taking a pair of socks off and throwing it directly in the trash. It is sort of a foretaste of the day when we will finally have fully disposible clothes, thus negating the need for laundry altogether (just kidding. Unless you have an inkling to write to me whining about landfills and the "throwaway mentality" in which case I advocate the direct transfer of raw resources to the dump, you filthy hippies!).

So here we have the perfect minor annoyance of holes in the socks met by the perfect minor joy of removing an article of clothing to throw it away, without the prospect of EVER having to wash it again.

Silly analogy, perhaps, but it is the sort of thing that goes through my mind as I struggle to focus on making my morning espresso.

That's another thing. When I make my morning espresso it has been nearly eight hours since my last espresso. How can I possibly be expected to pull of a complex task like that when it has been so long since my last one?!?

You want to know something even more mysterious?

My first espresso pull of the day is generally pretty good, too.

Go figure.

Come back often for more inane observations of daily life!

Viva La Oildale!

I was reminded, thanks to an anonymous comment posted on last year's birthday announcement of the matter, that Merle Haggard is 68. Happy Birthday to one of California's finest musicians! If you are ever in the area, be sure to take a spin through Oildale, just to say you did it, and to tip your hat to Merle and Buck.

Bad News

You may have found this entry by Googling one of the terms from the following email. I have posted these things in the past because they are funny, and have been amazed at how many people took them seriously enough to check it out by googling it. It is a lot of money, and if one is not familiar with 419 scams, I could see how it might just seem like great news.

However, the bad news is that you did not win the lottery. The good news is that you did enough research to avoid being taken in by an expensive and potentially deadly confidence scheme.

For those of you who just like to read these things for amusement, well, Donald Duff is just about the best name yet, and it is always fun to read about "unscrupulous elements" in a 419 solicitation:

Imperzio Internationale Sweepstakes Lottery
Headquarters:
Marcolo Scozzi way,
Viani Meido 02-06,
4566 Torino,
Italy.

Ref: IISL/4080318306/04
Batch: 23/05/EC11

NOTIFICATION OF WINNING

It is my sincere pleasure to announce to you the result of the draw of
the
Iuliano Internationale Sweepstakes Lottery International program held
on the
10th of March 2005 in London, UK.
Your e-mail address attached to ticket number: 5232465504 with Serial
number
Z87968DX drew the lucky numbers: 21-231-111-021, which subsequently won
you
the lottery in the 2nd category.
You have therefore been approved to claim a total sum of £850,000.00
(Eight
Hundred and Fifty thousand Great Britain Pounds) in cash, credited to
file
with reference number
IISL/4080318306/04. This is from a total cash prize of £3.4 Million,
shared
amongst the first four (4) lucky winners in this category.
Please note that your lucky winning number falls within our Western
booklet
representative office in Italy as indicated in your play coupon.
In view of this, your £850,000.00 (Eight Hundred and Fifty thousand
Great
Britain Pounds) would be released to you by the paying Bank. Our
Western
agent will immediately commence the process to facilitate the release
of
your funds as soon as you contact him.
All participants were selected randomly from the World Wide Web through
a
computer draw system using e-mail addresses obtained from our affiliate
companies. This promotion takes place annually.
For security reasons, you are advised to keep your winning information
confidential till your claims are processed and your money remitted to
you
in whatever manner you deem it fit to claim your prize. This is part of
our
precautionary measure to avoid double claiming and unwarranted abuse of
this
program by some unscrupulous elements.
Please be warned. To file for your claim, please contact our fiduciary
agent:
Mr. Paolo Baldini
The IISL Foundation
Email: pbaldini77@yahoo.it
To avoid unnecessary delays and complications, please quote your
reference/batch numbers in any correspondence with our designated agent
or
us.
Congratulations once more from all members and staff of this program.
Thank you for being part of our promotional lottery program.
Sincerely,
Donald Duff
IISL Zonal Coordinator.

-------------------------------------------
IISL OFFICE HOURS
Sunday through Saturday
24HOURS

Bonjour Monsieur Courbet

I did make it to the "Bonjour Monsieur Courbet" show at the California Palace of the Legion of Honor, but did not take notes and was with Amalia, who was quite active at the time. Therefore I will not be posting an in-depth review. Let it suffice to say that the show was a good one, with lots of interesting paintings and good curating.

Next show I promise that I will post more. It has been a very busy week.

Pope John Paul II

I really don't have anything to say about the Holy Father that has not already been said.

I will miss him, certainly. I have to remember far back to dim memories of a world without Pope John Paul II. Nearly three years ago we had went to an audience in Rome. He had been going through one of those periods of particularly bad health that he has suffered from in the past few years, and we didn't really expect him to make it through that year (certainly not having to endure the Roman heat in all those audiences).

Even in his poor health he was electrifying. He preached in several languages (which was good, as it was getting hard to understand him, so hearing the homily in Italian, Spanish, and German was quite useful) and seemed to actually enjoy being there. We found it quite touching to see the line of newlyweds in their wedding finery approach for special blessings.

I have always enjoyed reading his encyclicals, and his "Letter to Artists" has provided me with considerable food for thought.

We have lost one of the greatest Popes of all time, and we should count it as a great blessing to have been alive during his pontificate.

However, I am confident that the next Pope will be fine. I am not going to speculate as to who it is going to be (and to tell the truth I am more curious as to which name he will take), because it will probably be someone we know next to nothing about anyway. Perhaps it will be an African cardinal, perhaps a Latin American.

Yes, I really would like to see it go back to an Italian, but being Bishop of Rome makes anyone Italian. Even if he is Polish, or Armenian, or Nigerian. To be Pope is to be the Top Wop, even if one was originally born Chinese or Sicilian.

Top Wop. They ought to add that to the official titles:

Vicar of Christ. Bishop of Rome. Servant of the Servants of God. Top Wop.

Mussolini wanted to be Top Wop, but even with the Lateran Treaty (a fine treaty, by the way), it was always a fiction. Our Capo di tutti Capi is the Papa.

Meanwhile, as a matter of Blog Policy, I will tolerate sedevacantists in my comments box until the white smoke appears over the Vatican, so long as they recognize that the seat has only been vacant since today.

So, farewell, Pope John Paul. You were one fine Pope!

Oh Great...

Another whacko search engine request:

This current wannabe Borgia has asked for "cyanide recipes."

Wannabe Borgia. That is a phrase I have not heard before.

Speaking of great phrases, I have a NEW personal motto:

Let Me Crazy!

It comes from the poster for tapioca ball shakes in Chinatown. I think they wanted to say "Go Crazy!" but did not quite get the idiom. Anyway, it is what I want on my tombstone:

Erik Keilholtz
Let Me Crazy!