My Concession Speech.

Once again, you "people", did not elect me to be President last night.

Bastards!

That is all fine and well, however. No hard feelings or any of that.

Dirtry, rotten, imbecilic

They say that a democracy is the sort of system where the people get the government they deserve.

and I hope you get it good and hard

Meanwhile I will be in a more pleasant place than Washington, D.C., enjoying life and drinking copious gin and tonics.

While that breathing bobble-head you elected has to be nice to the French foreign minister

I must, of course, congratulate my opponent on a well-run campaign.

which is like complimenting the blade that the mugger is wielding on you.

And we must work together.

Well, you dunderheads can all work together, in one big happy pillowfight of glee. As for me, I am getting out of Dodge and shaking the dust from my sandals

Good night.