Lexicon of Musical Invective

For those in the know, the title of this post will bring instant giggles. I am speaking, of course, of that classic bit of musicology by Nicolas Slonimsky, subtitled "Critical Assaults on Composers Since Beethoven's Time". I start to gleefully titter just thinking about the things that Tchaikovsky said of Brahms.

Anyway, while listening to KFOG's "10 at 10" feature, in which they highlight one year and play ten songs from that year, along with little audio clips of the news of the era and other tidbits, I realized that we need a Lexicon of Musical Invective for the Rock and Roll era. Of course if you could simply run a tap into my brain while I am listening to rock and roll radio, and transcribed the results, you would have a good rough draft.

Tonight's "10 at 10" featured the year 1971, not a good year for Western Civilization. One of the songs was "LA Woman" by the Doors. Now, if I were out to spoof Jim Morrison and the Doors, I don't think I could have done better than "LA Woman". Big, overblown empty bluster with attitude. And on and on and on. Just when you think the turkey is done, it sits up and bellows, "I'm back!"

A similarly blustery idiotic singer, but from our own era, is Eddie Vedder of Pearl Jam. He always comes accross as a sort of satire of masculinity, with his embarrassingly low-class accent and that preposterous warble. Jim Morrison made music a few times, in spite of his bluster, but Vedder just makes noise, and a noise backed by the Seattle "Scunge" sound, one of the ghastliest intestinal rumblings to be recorded.

And, while we are on the preposterously low-class, we musn't forget that cretinous Knight of Asbury Park, Don Bruce himself. Now, I am being mean. I do that. But really, with that insipid grin and equally insipid music, doesn't he just strike you as still being quite proud of himself for being able to play three chords? Over and over and bloody over again. He's probably a swell fellow, and I have seen him make music (with Roy Orbison, for instance), but the garbage he puts out is mind-numbingly bad. And it is the same as the last batch of mind-numbingly had records.

Anyway, I have listened to plenty of good music these days as well, but the frequency that I hear Mr. Vedder and Mr. Springsteen on KFOG is alarming. Surely no one is really that ga-ga about these two?