Tipping

On my Yahoo News page I see the obligatory article on how much one should tip various people at Christmastime.

Let me answer this for you: nothing. zero. nada. zilch.

Now, if you have some mailman who really goes the extra mile, knows you by name, etc., then, fine, give him something.

But for the letter carrier (very literal usage here, because parcels inevitably end up sent back, because the lazy-ass civil servant on our route cannot seem to figure out the connection between declining service and increasing business for the brownshirts) who has ignored our mailbox for years (two boxes on a duplex. Clearly marked. Why oh why do we need to sort the mail that was all put in one of the boxes? Every day?!?), who delivered an invitation to my cousin's party in October, when the party was in July and the invite was mailed from accross the bay in late May, that letter carrier is lucky that she is a protected class of person, which might be the only thing that keeps people on her route from "going postal" on her.

Newspaper carrier? My normal policy is "bah humbug" but he did send out a Christmas card with a very Catholic and devout religious message. In a neighborhood that is probably 20% Buddhist and 25% Protestant. Good for him. And he has to work for the cretins in circulation. Anyone who has to work at the bottom of the Circulation rung deserves something. I don't know how much, but something.

Barber? Well, if I make it to the Barber (it will be my third visit of the year), then the tip will be my usual. The chances are I will cut my own hair, then get Melanie to make the back not look as crappy as it will after I cut it myself.

Gardener? We don't have one, but if we did, he would have to go into that above and beyond the call of duty range to get a tip.

We are too tip happy, and, while I might sound like Scrooge here, what this does is let the employers off the hook. Now, for a gardener or other independent contractor, it is trickier, because they are reluctant to raise prices for fear of losing the business, but it is what they have to do if they want more money, not hope for a tip at the whim of the customer. If they raise prices and the level of service, they will end up making more money for less work, which is a good thing. Let the bargain hunters settle for the competition.

So, by tapering down on tipping, we can bring back a situation where someone is paid for their work and does not have to rely on the caprice of the customers.

Yours for a tip-free holiday!
Ebeneezer Keilholtz