Sniffle. Sniffle. Honk. Sniffle.

I am quickly realizing why I don't get sick more often. It is not fun, and it is not particularly noble suffering, either, since it tends to make you a slug, and so it increases ones inclination towards sloth in greater proportion to the penitential aspect of the suffering. At least in me, but I tend towards the slug anyway.

Of course writing is a terrible job for one with a tendency towards the sluggish, since it involves sitting in front of a computer for hours at a time. Painting is a good job for a slug, since there is always something that has to be stretched or prepped or moved or set up or cleaned, and the physical nature of the craft side of it makes the body move, even when one is reluctant.

So, perhaps I need to see the dearth of writing assignments as some special gift. The daily papers I write for are all in turmoil, and I found out that my old editor was gone by seeing a different name in the masthead. Of course that doesn't directly matter to my own future, because I had already been moved from one section to another (which is a whole different story), but I liked this old editor, and I don't think I like the direction that will come with the new editor. Oh well, as they say, it's not my department, no mo'.

So, here I am writing on this (old habits die hard), when I should be out fixing sags in a large stretched canvas. But, I say, it is cold out there, and I should really stay inside taking care of myself...

Balderdash! I have hit a plateau in my recovery. And, as my regular readers know, a plateau demands the gin and cigars cure. Of course I don't drink gin before five, except in the context of tonic on a hot day at an outdoor party, so it will have to wait.

I am serious. Often when we are sick it is because we are weak and secretly like the excuse of being sick. Our bodies are either recovering or getting worse. Stasis is a sure sign of goldbricking, so when you find that you are not getting sicker, yet not really improving, it is time to stop being a baby. When you are getting worse, sure, rest, plenty of clear fluids, blah blah blah. When it starts getting better, encourage it by the same. But when you hit a plateau, this means war, and you will need heavy artillery, like martinis and maduro cigars.

Now, the question of coffee comes up. At no point should you stop drinking espresso, but if you are in the getting sicker or getting better stages, avoid drip coffee even more arduously than usual. The espresso must be strong, ristretto and served completely without milk, which is, of course, baby food.

If you don't normally drink espresso, you must when you have a cold. At least one shot in the morning and one in the afternoon. And it must be well made. Starbucks ain't gonna cut it. Also, before bed, have half a Tablespoon of cognac (and no cheap Korbel brandy either, it must be cognac).

And you must always take megadoses of Vitamin C, zinc, and whatever other herbs the hippies put in the "immune boosters." Half of them are snake oil, but so is half of what the doctors give you, too, so just take the things.