Dear Abby...

I don't know why I followed this link, but it offers a typically off-the-mark Dear Abby answer, something the old bat did when she was alive, and her daughter or assistant or whoever it is who is Abby now, continues.

The correct answer is:

Your daughter is eight years old and that is the slate of activities she is forced to endure? And cheerleading for an eight-year old? Motocross? Is this a joke? Are you insane? Do you hate your daughter?

The reason little Emma hits other children is that she imagines that it is your face she is pounding, and, quite frankly, I don't blame her. Let me guess: you are typical status-obsessed Prottie Yuppies who are using your daughter as part of your status-seeking.

People like you disgust me, and I don't even like the fact that you read my column. In fact, I don't even like you reading any paper that my column is in. Please cancel your subscription at once.

Creep.