Imperial Order on the Handling of the Koran

The situation in G-Bay is getting out of hand. Or at least the reaction to it has been, and it all boils down to silly reactions.

So, I am issuing an edict for the Particular situation at hand:

1. Any soldier involved in stepping on, pissing on, etc. the Koran in front of Mohammedan prisoners should get a stern talking to. Then, each should be told to not do it again, and be given an extra ration of rum.

An investigation should take place to make sure that the Koran flushed down the toilet was torn up first, otherwise it would indicate that soldiers are not taking proper care of the plumbing, which is US Government property.

2. Since the Mohammedans are an oversensitive lot and since the Koran is the root cause of most of their problems, not to mention of their being in the slammer to begin with, for the protection of their own delicate constitutions and for the sake of their souls, the Koran shall be forever prohibited to them.

3. Since the Koran seems to have incited and inflamed passions throughout the world, not to mention being a book full of dangerous lies and deceits, its publication shall be banned in all parts of the Empire.

4. Anyone who calls what the soldiers have done "mistreating the Koran" shall be punished by tarring and feathering. Mistreating the Koran is publishing it.

5. The Whiner Award will go to the first person who says...all together now..."but what if it were the Bible?"

Well, it isn't, and they are different. One is right and the other is wrong. Go tell the Mohammedans about your nuance. Ask if you can start a mission in Saudi Arabia.