Deep Throat

I am really the only one qualified to comment on Deep Throat, because I am the only one who really could be Richard Nixon*. Pat and G. Gordon, Chuck and Jeb ** might have worked for him, but they really can only hope to ascend to top stoogedom. People like them serve people like me, and that makes them terribly useless as commentators on situations like the current one.

Deep Throat did the right thing in entirely the right way. You heard it from Richard Nixon***, folks.

You hear the convicted and unconvicted stooges talk about going through proper channels, which is just rhetoric borrowed from the heady days, when the late great Spiro Agnew**** was giving free advice to college students. Work through the system. Play by the rules.

No, if the number two man at FBI had attempted to work through proper channels he would have been dead, and the investigation would have ended there.

Wait, you say, CREEP never killed anyone...

Well, they didn't yet, but didn't I tell you that I have all the potentiality of Richard Nixon. Look at the trajectory we were on. Let's see, it started with criminal burglary and went down from there. This is in the administration of the man who ordered the completely nonstrategic bombing of Cambodia. Murder? Well, you know, if it is in the interest of state security, and anything in the interest of the president is in the interest of state security, and if you don't think so, G. Gordon would like to talk to you late at night, well, then, rules can be bent, broken, ignored, etc. If you still persist in complaining, then you can be bent, broken, ignored, etc.

Deep Throat had no choice but to go the route he did.

Those of us who really, deep down, understand Richard Nixon know what we would have done if he were in our administration and went to a grand jury. Brake lines would be cut, fires would break out, accidents would happen. And I would still be in power today!

Actually I probably go beyond Nixon in that way, as I would never have resigned. Impeachment hearings would have ended with martial law. And I would be ruling from Erikkeilholtzstadt, D.C. to this very day.

*Yes, I fully admit that if I were president, while I might aim for a noble administration like that of Franco, Salazar or Dolfuss, I would most probably find my comfort level around the likes of Nixon, although I would not have bombed Cambodia. Enemies Lists, Plumbers, Saturday Night Massacres, that is the sort of thing that I could easily see myself slipping into. Ah, cruel temptation.

Especially if I were a sociopathic Quaker from Arizona. Just drop thy bombs any old where...

**OK. I kind of like G. Gordon Liddy in a sort of noir fiction way. Sort of like Vic Damone with balls. Pat Buchanan is a third rate turd and a crypto-Nazi, and I don't trust Prottie heresiarchs like Colson and MacGruder. Oh, they are going to lecture us about integrity?!? Give me a break. If I started listening to them I might as well start reading C. S. Lewis and Ian Paisley. Two peas from the same rotten Ulster pod. Only C. S. Lewis should have known better.

***You don't know this, but Richard Nixon met with me secretly in the parking lot of the San Onofre Power Plant and gave me the authority to speak for him, right after he looked at the domes of the reactors and said, with a twinkle in his eye, "you know what those two domes over there remind me of, whenever I drive down I-5?"

****Ah, Spriro. They sure don't make 'em like that any more. I would trade a hundred John McCain's for a single Spiro T. Agnew.

What, you don't like him, you impudent corps of effete liberal snobs, you nattering nabobs of negativism? Feh!

Posted by erik at June 3, 2005 10:55 PM | TrackBack