Oh, and Mark made me think of this: not just madonnas, but have plenty of everything: rosaries, madonnas, baby Jesuses, etc. in GLOW IN THE DARK PLASTIC!!!!!!

(And be sure that you dress that Infant of Prague in the correct liturgical color!)

We keep all of those statues of Saint Francis around because Catholics do regard him as a nature spirit, you know, the male manifestation of Gaia. That, and we're really into ancestor worship.

Tony C is hep to the Know Nothings. He should also mention the white slavery rings in the nunneries.

For your fete, make sure to have plenty of madonnas, of both dashboard and bathtub varieties, and an Infant of Prague front and center.

I would send along a portrait of President Kennedy to hang alongside the house image of the Sacred Heart of Jesus but am afraid Erik would not take kindly to it.

Those who pray extemporaneously during the Rosary or who add their own crap to the Glory Be shall be vigorously throttled.

"Um . . . uh . . . we thank thee . . . um . . . please be with us . . . um . . . blessed be the fruit of thy womb Jesus."

Nuh-uh, don't even think about it.

That strange sound you will hear will be all those rattling beads ...

Darn, Gregg the Obscure took mine!

Well, let's see. You should have all the men front and center and the women should be relegated to the back rooms, cleaning and serving, as is their lot in life. Darn that patriarchal Church!

Make sure those nuns have rulers, and go around hitting everyone, just at random.

Be sure to have a sign that says "Please check brains at the door" since Catholics are wildly superstitious and only think what their superiors tell them.

Oh, and all the little old ladies should wear black and mutter the rosary at highest speed under their breath.

Don't forget that we also burned down London.

Please say you will be stockpiling weapons and ammo in the rectory basement for the coming civil war upon orders from the Pope. (a mid 1800's anti-Catholic fear, I believe. Irish Elk can probably substantiate these old Prottie rumors.)

Erik:
Don't forget your black smoke/white smoke experiments with wet straw and dry dry straw at the barbeque (habemus burgenses!).
Also, remeber to pray in a dead language that the common people do not understand; furthermore, make sure that your back is turned away from the people with whom you are speaking.
SC

We'll go on at length about the necessity of keeping women barefoot and pregnant. Then we'll ignore the resultant children, leaving them to the mercies of sadistic fat nuns and lavender curates.

You could all wear shirts reading: What teh bibel?

I sure hope there will be someone there selling indulgences. After all, I'm sure your guests won't want to spend a moment longer than they have to in that non-biblical, non-place that Romish mackerel snappers call "Purgatory." Especially if the only cost is sending some more money to that fabulously wealthy Institution that stocks up on elitist works of art instead of giving alms to the poor.

I presume anyone who brings a Bible will be denied entry.

Sounds like a splendid celebration. Nothing beats a good weekend of worshipping Mary, persecuting scientists, and crucifying Christ again.

Ah yes, the old cannibauble canard. The interesting thing is that for it to stick, then the accuser is admitting that something happens during the consecration, and if that bread and wine turn into anything, let alone something that can bring about the charges of cannibalism, well, that certainly changes the tone of discussion, now, doesn't it?

Thanks!

Keep 'em coming, folks!

One of my favorites is that we're cannibals. Like Hannibal Lectar . . . something about, "fava beans and a nice ciantti."