Welcome New Readers! 12 Things...

Naturally I would not be at my onry self if I didn't have a long, harsh, and illiberal post greeting those who came to this site from the Contra Costa Times article. So, anyway, read the one below this one, and if you are wondering, "what sort of right wing crank is this," well, Howdy!

So there it is: you have stumbled onto the website of someone who is:

1. So far to the Right that he sometimes pops his head out of a gopher hole on the Left. Someone who would rather slice off his testicle than vote for Al Gore, but would prefer to never, ever, ever have to live in one of those so-called "red states." A right winger who is more at home in Berkeley than Peoria (OK, quit whining. I never heard of the Peoria Symphony, or the Peoria Museum of Modern Art. Will it play in Peoria? Who cares?)

2. A Triumphalist, Papal Maximalist, Traditionalist, Fanatical, Doctrinaire and Uncompromising Child of the Second Vatican Council (and all prior councils as well).

3. A foaming at the mouth, drooling enthusiast of the painting of Richard Diebenkorn, the films of Fellini (and Wenders), the poetry of the French Symbolists, the cooking of Alice Waters, and the music of Domenico Scarlatti, Karlheinz Stockhausen, and Thelonious Monk.

4. A Grateful Dead fan. Really. Don't ask. I stopped counting after 20 shows.

5. A meat eater. No I mean a real meat eater. Sweetbreads. Tripe. Tongue. Look, I make my own headcheese. From pigs' heads. I took my little daughter with me to slaughter and butcher cattle. And she loves meat as much as she loves animals. She gave them their last supper. It was cute, and she still gets excited when I pull out a chunk of one of those bulls from the freezer.

6. Something else I share with my daughter is a love of the bullfight. Where else can you see horses and bulls and hear great brass band music?

7. I can tolerate just about anyone. Heretics. Infidels. I get along quite well with Mormons, even. But not animal rights activists. I would rather drink a martini made with vodka than hang out with one of them.

8. I consider the East Coast as starting at stateline, Lake Tahoe.

9. As much as I am a foodie, my real culinary love is espresso. If I were to wake up and only have one of my cooking abilities left, it would be the ability to make a perfect doppio espresso molto ristretto (and that is something I only do once in a great while).

10. I hate suburban sprawl, private air conditioning, garage door openers, and lawns.

11. I used to be in favor of Starbucks, until they gutted the quality of their product. I will point out to anyone willing to listen that Starbucks used to do a decent job until about 1998. I will also defend Budweiser (not Light, however, as Light beer is an abomination in the sight of the Lord). Especially if you give me a few of them. I fear that Peet's is following Starbucks (although the quality of the beans has stabilized in the last few months. I don't know anything about the internal workings of the company, but it was slipping and seems to have stopped).

12. I am the only person in my house who likes the Teletubbies. Everyone else finds them boring or creepy. I find them inspirational. I want an grinning baby in the sun! I want little loudspeakers popping up in the garden giving me orders and nursery rhymes! It is like The Prisoner, but with fuzzy colorful things. We are all Wiggles fans, though. Just saw them live at the Oakland Arena. Great show.