The Debate

In spite of multiple attempts to avoid it, I ended up hearing and watching the debate tonight. I admit that I don't like George W. Bush. I voted against Gore more than I voted for Bush, even though it was W's box that I checked. I will probably do so again.

One person who mitigates my displeasure of the current administration is Dick Cheney. He is the best man in the administration, and I would vote for him for President in a second. Tonight he lived up to my expectations against the loathesome Senator from the Confederacy. Good Show, Veep! Please consider running for President yourself.

As for John Kerryman, the less said the better. Voting against him will be a pleasure.

After the debates the news came on with some good footage of Mt. St. Helens and the sad news that Rodney Dangerfield died. I have to admit that I liked him, although his schtick got old after not too long. He was a funny guy, he just needed some new writers.

Speaking of comedians, if you are looking for a way to rile up your boomer friends just remind them that Bob Hope was funny and Lenny Bruce was not. Of course the hagiographies of Bruce spin this as a virtue: "well, people realized that he was serious, talking about serious topics, blah blah woof woof."

In other words he played a not-small role in debasing political discourse. Great.

I am not saying that comedians should avoid current politics, nor that there is no role for comedy in the political discourse, but if the comedian is not funny, then what value is there in it?

I expect some of my readers to say, "wait a minute! Not funny? Bruce was a comic GENIUS!" To whom I say, go ahead, pull out the old records and listen. You will not need to call a doctor to sew your sides back up.

"But in his day..."

Look, Abbott and Costello are still funny. The Three Stooges, still funny. Lenny Bruce: yawnfest. OK, he had some moments, but mostly he was pretty dull. You want funny pinkos of the past? How about Charlie Chaplin!

Funny Pinkos of the Past. Good name for a union. The International Brotherhood of Funny Pinkos of the Past, Local 512. AFL-CIO. If they went on strike, all of our DVDs would just show picket signs. Amalia would be devastated, as she has taken quite a fondness for Road to Bali, mostly because of the tiger and gorilla. I like the chimp in the Bob Hope mask, myself, not to mention the Bogart cameo and Bing Crosby's brother's scene.

They don't make films like that anymore. Instead we get, well, what do we get? I never seem to get out to the movies these days. Maybe they do make films like that, but I just never get to see them. Nobody I know voted for Nixon, either.

And nobody I know is voting for Bush either. Well, not true, I do know a few Republicans and a few people who, like me, are not Republican but anti-Democratic. But I know people who probably think that nobody they know is voting for Bush.

I am also taking this moment to announce my non-candidacy for President in the 2008 elections. I know that the rumor mill has been circulating my name, but I am emphatically not running. I am not only not running, but if I win the write-in spot, I will not serve. So there. Elect someone else. I will not live in a house full of all that colonial crap, especially if it is in a subtropical swamp. Forget it. I might not like Ronald Reagan, but it still astounds me that a Californian (albeit by adoption) could ever live in that climate. Furthermore, there are no volcanoes in the DC area.

So, if elected and pressed into service, I promise that I will relocate the Capital to San Francisco and the Imperial Palace will be appropriate to the place. We will also have funny hats for all cabinet positions, and the Imperial Guard will have shiny helmets. The Supreme Court will be relocated to a secret location in Siberia (nothing in the Constitution about locating them in remote places), and Congress will meet for their annual meeting at the War Memorial Opera House. Most of that meeting will be spent listening to the State of the Union address, followed by cocktails in one of the exquisite bars in the area (OK, I put that last line in as a sop to Ted Kennedy. You see, I can be as bipartisan as I can be ecumenical).

I already have the design planned for my equestrian statue, which will replace the statue of Mohandas Ghandi, esq. at the Ferry Building.

But I am not running. Nope. I say this so that if I change my mind I will have broken a campaign promise before the campaign begins.

Posted by erik at October 6, 2004 1:08 AM | TrackBack