Starbucks and Lingo

This entry by Terry Teachout has some amusing stuff, but the last item, in which he quotes Lileks, particularly made me giggle. Lileks and Teachout are framing the coffee language in an old-fashioned, 'Mercan versus new fangled, Aye-talian. Teachout even says that, outside Italy, he would never use Italian to specify the size of his coffee.

Now, the funny thing is that the term in question is that Seattle peculiarity, the so-called "venti," which will result in rather strange results if one orders venti caffe latte in Rome. The term, as used by Ahab's mate, is a goofy amalgam of English measures and the Italian language. It has no basis in the real lingo of espresso fanatics.

Now, obviously I disagree with the notion of not ordering my drink in Italian. When in Rome, do as the Romans. When in Little Rock, do as the Romans. Well, how about do as the Tuscans or Umbrians? Anyway, Rome is close enough, so it works for me. Exporting Italian culture, manners, civilization, food, art, etc. is an international act of mercy and charity. Being half German, I understand hard-headed pride in thinking that there are ways out there that are as good as Italian ways, but it just isn't true. I think of old St. Boniface, chopping down the oak tree, and I say "bring it on!"

I never have ordered "a cuppa Joe." I never will. First, the sort of places that serve cuppsa Joe are serving drip coffee, which rots you from the inside, if taken more than once a month or so. Second, the cuppsa Joe are generally brewed with horrid Farmer's Brothers coffee beans. Third, if one is going to be a snob, one should be a snob in an elevated direction. Anti-snobbery snobbishness depresses me: "I am superior because I roll around in my own filth."

I prefer to take a different approach on the rare occasions that I have to drink Starbuck's swill. I order in correct Italian coffee nomenclature. If they want to foist "venti" on the world, well, make my espresso molto ristretto, per piaccere! And if I order a double, I don't want to hear you say "doh-pee-oh."

Of course ordering any variant on a classic espresso drink is quite pointless at the Seattle embassy. Years ago they bragged about how well-trained their baristas were. It paid off. One could finally get a decent espresso, even in Minnesota. Then, a few years back, they switched to a completely automated system. Now, the beans are ground, packed, tamped and the shot pulled without the least human intervention. The result is terrible espresso, very much like what is served in almost any Paris cafe.

I initially was a big supporter of Starbucks. After all, they were doing their part to spread some Italian culture. I could even tolerate the "venti" with a roll of the eyes, but that was when they were serving drinkable espresso. Now, I only go there on emergencies, and even then rather reluctantly. I would go back to supporting them in a minute if they got back to the heroic work of bringing decent espresso to the mission territories.