The primary election

Since we do not have the option of registering as Catholic Falange yet in California, I do not register with any party. I do not fit in with any of them, although I probably tend to vote for Republicrats more than Demicans (last General election, for the first time, I voted a straight party ticket, based on an intense dislike of Gray Davis. I voted against him again last year) . I like elections, even though I am not a big fan of liberal democracy. The elections themselves are fun. I like the late nights at headquarters (growing up in Sacramento, I went to more than my share of those), watching glassy eyed politicos shout themselves hoarse, this minute in joyous exultation, the next in feeble attempts to rally the troops.

There is a reason for these displays. They sap the energy of the losers, so that when the party is dwindling to the last few parasites who cannot face their own joblessness, the politician is too tired to break down and sob. No one wants to see a potential leader, even a loathesome twit like Ralph Nader, sobbing in public.

No, I take that back. I would love to watch Ralph Nader sob in public. But, just about anyone else, no. Not even Dean Howard (I really hate these double first names. Howard Edwards John Dean or whatever they are all going by - a man ought to have a first name, like Wolfgang and a last name like Torquemada. Dean Howard is just double dipping, which is disgusting).

For the winners these crazy election night parties give them that great glazed look. Sometimes they look like they are ready to eat someone. If you look really close, many of them are drooling at this hour. It gives them the humility that they need, just as it spares the poor loser the really ugly moments of defeat.

But my love of elections transcends who wins or loses. Sure I have my favorites. I might like so and so's foreign policy, or the fact that the Xes really dislike Mr. Z, but I am never completely gung-ho for any of them. I probably vote negatively more than I vote positively: Mr. H gets my vote because he is not as bad as the rest on this issue or that issue. In some cases negative voting is very personal: Well, he might be brain-dead, but he isn't Tom Ammiano or Barbara Boxer.

I also tend towards old fashioned ways of settling ties: Latin names first (Italian, Portuguese, Spanish, French, the rest, in that order), followed by German, then Irish (all advantage here might be wiped out by rule number one: I generally do not vote for Protestants, especially if they are former Catholics or their grandparents were Catholic or if they claim to be Catholic and are no more so than Ian Paisley). I will rarely vote for a woman for public office (exceptions have been made, and if you give me long enough I might remember one). I do not vote for people who went to USC. In the Presidential election I favor Californians, followed by Texans, followed by, well, the rest of the country.

But these rules tend to be if all things are more or less equal. Or not. Part of being an undemocratic person is that you tend not to get too worked up over this stuff. I don't listen to too many of the audition speeches, nor the debates (last one I heard was between Dick Cheney and Fred Liebermann or Joe or whatever his name was).

But I will vote vendetta. And once in awhile a politician comes along that I follow, looking for viability in every potential opponent. Dianne Feinstein is one (someone I have loathed since Dan White elected her Mayor of San Francisco). Barbara Boxer is another, as is Barbara Lee (I have gotten to distrust the name Barbara or Brbra or whatver variant is out there). So, when I got my sample ballot I checked to see what the rule was (it was changing each election for awhile). Sure enough, those of us who float around in the dark, nondeclared reaches of the electoral swamp get to pick which ballot to vote.

My first thought was "allright! I get to vote for the least candidate the Democans have to offer!" But then I remembered that my vote could be the beginning of a turn of events that puts the clown in office. "I only voted for Gray Davis because I thought he would be easier to beat in the General Election," said an unnamed friend last night.

So, I will be voting the Republican ballot, since Barbara Boxer needs to be brought down low. It is all too bad, in a way. I thought that it would be fun to vote for Al Sharpless. I never would in any circumstance that I thought he had a chance in. But, jetzt es ist ganz im Ernst. We must defeat Boxer if this state is to be worthy of the name Bear Flag Republic!

Kalifornia uber Alles!

Posted by erik at February 5, 2004 9:52 PM | TrackBack