November 4, 2003
Your Marching Orders
To my loyal minions and fellow travellers, all party cells, and allies!
Please be advised that on this day, the Fourth day of November in the year of our Lord 2003, Duce Keilholtz has mobilized all troops for the following action, known from this point on as Operation Advent Shroud.
Whereas retailers are obnoxiously jumping the gun on Christmas earlier and earlier each year,
Whereas if action is not taken soon we will soon be confronted with Christmas trees in July,
Whereas if the Duce hears "Jingle Bells" too many times before December 25th he gets notoriously grumpy and will start ranting around the clock causing Great Consternation to the Long Suffering One,
Whereas the crass commercialization of Christmas is a disgusting perversion of the True Faith reducing the greatest gift in history to an excuse to move more cheaply made merchandise at the expense of slave labor in China,
Duce Keilholtz hereby gives orders to his minions, loyalists, allied cells, party members, and assorted schmucks walking around with their hands in their pockets looking for something to do to remedy the situation by direct action, namely throwing purple cloth over any Christmas decorations encountered before the second Friday after the celebration of the New Beaujolais.
Attached to said purple cloth should be a little card wishing the retailer well, but pointing out that jumping the gun on Christmas is short-sighted, wrong, destroys the proper season of Advent, and should cease immediately or ultimately the retailer will have to cancel his Independence Day sales in order to prepare for the Christmas rush. Furthermore, the card should urge that Christmas decorations that are shrouded until Christmas would provide great copy for local papers that are starved of interesting stories beyond the usual holiday schtick.
We had Swedish food at the cheapest restaurant with a view of the Bay (yes, they do sell furniture and houseware) and they had a Christmas tree up in the cafeteria. Then I went to the bakery today and Lakeshore Avenue is bedecked with evergreen shrubbery (they look particularly silly under the trees that are beautiful in their autumnal red, gold, and orange). I have had enough and will be making a trip to the fabric store for some purple cloth.
Right now we should be making preparations for Beaujolais nouveau, not Christmas.
Signed and commanded by the Duce through the Proper Channels.
Believe, Obey, Fight!
Posted by erik at November 4, 2003 10:40 AM | TrackBackoh, and I miss IKEA so very much!
Posted by: alicia the midwife at November 6, 2003 8:53 PMComplain all you want, Ryan, but I expect to see you here on the third Thursday of November! Since the cassoulet is done well in advance, you will not have to worry about being enlisted to help in the kitchen. However, if you want to show off the new knives, bring them, and I can dig up something for you to chop or slice.
Posted by: Erik Keilholtz at November 6, 2003 12:13 AMThe 12 days of Christmas START on 12/25, not end then!
My eldest child's birthday is 12/15 - we have never put up any Christmas stuff before that date (if you don't count the lights that never were taken down the year before). Last year, however, I could NOT FIND a christmas tree 'that late in the season'. I think I will have to buy one earlier and keep it in the cellar until the right day.
Which reminds me - I need to dig out the advent box and see if I remembered to buy candles at the after advent sale last year......and do I have enough advent calendars?
If early Christmas decorations make us forget about beaujoulais neveau then I am all for them. In fact I want to see more of them and earlier if they make us forget about food coloring, corn syrup, and alcohol parading around as wine.
Ryan