August 4, 2003
Language Police
Since the Authenticity Police are too bound by traditional protocols to actually punish anyone, I have decided to hedge my bets and join the Language Police. Since I showed up at the office and it was empty, I sat myself down at the BIG desk (if you know what I mean), plopped my feet on it, put on my shades, lit a big Cuban cigar and pronounced myself Jefe. I awaited my man to bring me a bottle of expensive tequila, but he seems to have gotten lost. I must make a note to find him. And soon.
Meanwhile I am passing some decrees.
First: that the neologism IMHO shall forthwith be banishèd from the language. If one must apply some show of humility, the correct form shall be the old Austrian military form of "humbly report" and the information conveyed shall never be an opinion, rather a statement of pure fact. IMHO is not a statement of humility. It is a blustering obnoxious spice word. Off with its head. What information does it convey? That the words are indeed the author's opinion? Well, are we to assume plagiarism otherwise? That the audience is too stupid to recognize opinion? Or is it most nefariously apologizing for even having an opinion? If so, it is doubly cursed! No IMHOs!
When one writes IMHO, the proper reply is: IDGASAYHO. I will leave it to your imagination what that stands for.
Second: That "transpired" is a really fruity sounding word and shall be exiled from the polis. What happened is that writers under unwholesome influence decided to tart up their vocabulary with nonsense.
Third: That anyone who writes for others to read shall eagerly read every bit of Strunk and White's Elements of Style.
Posted by erik at August 4, 2003 5:12 PM | TrackBackHmmm. The Dominicans, eh? Why is it that the Franciscans don't get a country? It really is not fair. I bet the Franciscans could make fine ceegars, produce good baseball players, if only someone woulda given them a chance. It ain't fair, I tell ya.
I bet Trujillo wouldn't of been running a Franciscan Republic either.
Posted by: Erik Keilholtz at August 12, 2003 11:47 AMI hereby repent!
Posted by: KTC at August 12, 2003 11:46 AMYou rule, El Jefe. But the Dominicans are making better ceegars these days.
May I join the Language Police? I am but a humble man, but I knows good writin whens I sees it.
Posted by: The Barrister at August 12, 2003 11:46 AMHmmm. I cannot buy that. Email and Internet communication still fall under the realm of the written word, and should conform to written usage. I do make an exception for IM communications, since it is such a speedy medium that it is closer to speech, and in order to facilitate quick communication, certain abbreviations may be allowed.
But I still see no point for IMHO. Whenever I see it I think of Rush Limbaugh blustering, "well [chuckle chuckle] in MY hum-ble opinion." If it were genuine humility that would be one thing, but it is not, rather it is an insult to the reader.
As for "regime" you are right. The regime in place in the United States is the Constitutional structure in place since 1789. The Bush administration has been administering this regime, but it is not the Bush regime any more than it is the Washington regime.
Of course all of this will be rendered irrelevant once we get to the era of the Keilholtz Regime. When, oh when will my man get back here with that tequila? He will never get promoted to Colonel at this rate!
Posted by: Erik Keilholtz at August 12, 2003 11:45 AMNet and email usage have their own little conventions, and "IMHO" is nothing more than a courtly little pleasantry to tactfully introduce a strong opinion. Any attempt at tact, no matter how cliched, is okay with me.
May I suggest that the Language Police go after anyone -- from the snobbiest pundit to the lowliest talk radio caller -- who refers to an elected administration as a "regime"? (I mean in a real election, of course, not a Cuba- or Iraq-style election)
Posted by: PeonyMoss at August 12, 2003 11:45 AMI am more likely to say (in email, not in posts) IMNSHO - saying it like it is. My opinions are not humble at all - if they were, why would I have them?
Posted by: alicia the midwife at August 12, 2003 11:44 AM